not easy

Greetings from Reno, Nevada! I am here for about a week touring with the nonesuch.reedquintet. We are presenting multiple recitals, workshops, teaching masterclasses and collaborating with orgranizations like the Toiyabe Chamber Music Society, University of Nevada, Reno, and various local Middle & High Schools.

Today marks a week from when I first returned to the US from Singapore. This is hardly believable in my (still) jet-lagged mind as it feels much longer than that. On my return, I had to deal with a newly unpacked apartment, rehearsals, multiple recording sessions and a multitude of errand running. Jet-lag did not help with this at all. The lack of REM sleep meant that I would start my 18 hour days groggy, groaning and miserable.

Enough complaining. That is not the purpose of this blog post.

During an evening recording session (right before leaving for Nevada), I completely choked during a runthrough of a solo piece I was recording. I was consistently stuck at the 4th measure and that sent me into a spiral of unsatisfactory starting notes, tense fingers, and feeling overly self-aware. Employing my usual strategies for combatting this, I gathered myself using deep breathing and brief meditation before starting the run. Unfortunately, every time my eyes were shut I would catch myself drifting off to sleep! Knowing that this recording session would be the last time I could attempt one before the deadline frustrated me deeply.

Looking at the time, I was starting to lose hope… it was already 10PM. I still had to make preparations for the Nevada tour which also included sleeping sufficiently to make the early 7-hour drive. Just then, a phrase popped up in my mind:

“No one said this was going to be easy.”

This allowed something to click. In order for a chance to achieve success, I had to be consistent with the grind. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone to grow. I had to bet on myself. It was never going to be easy.

I was able to take 2 decent runs following that revelation. Though I am not entirely satisfied with the level of proficiency I delivered, this experience served as a reminder of the challenges lying ahead that I will have to overcome. I am excited to continue pushing through and growing as a musician, and a person.

I will wrap it up here. Later today, we teach some masterclasses at the University of Nevada, Reno and the Reno Youth Philharmonic Orchestra. Till the next time!